27: Swallowing
They called it bulimia & me not knowing what it meant & thinking I had some weird disease that I made up because I not wanting to go to Social Studies created a new disease & they calling it a disease & giving me special medicine & Parents not knowing what to do with it & siblings laughing at me because how can a little girl in second grade have an eating disorder & me still not wanting to go to class & me still going to throw up until my eyes burn tears from coughing
That when I was in second grade I hated Social Studies so much that I would throw up after lunch & pray while vomiting that the nurse would send me home early hating Social Studies so much & pretending sick.
Mother & Father swallowing insults from strangers like pills like humility doesn’t need lubricant all because of this language a language so easy so simple that I want to mock you for not understanding even this.
Translator translating a title for this one number 27 & calling it The Corners of The Mouth (providing nourishment) & I translator find the words strange in relation to one another but visually quite engaging.
Arousing Thunder below the still Mountain but Thunder can’t be muted or bottled, & I pretend that below even small hills are bolts of thunder waiting to explode an explosion of anger pent up from being small.
That Mother didn’t need to swallow her medicine that they cut open a flap in her collarbone & put in a tube & even then they missed while injecting the poison & Mother with bruises on her thin skin & all the hurt.
Maybe ignorance or denial or self-preservation but I don’t want to think of Mother & Father being shit on because their voices are different because their voices have accents & ignorance muting my anger.
You lover loving me so hard & so full that you don’t want me to small sugar dots changing hormones a clock without alarm & me lover loving you enough to take that big chance even though the clock stopped once.
But now of course they both take their pills every day every day Mother & Father take their pills so many pills they don’t even know what they take any more & Father keeping track in little book with x marks.
There existing metaphors & colloquialisms that I can’t understand like swallowing pride like people making it sound easy like pride is just a pill needing some water can wash it right down the throat as if pride doesn’t have sharpened teeth to attach to the tongue so pride can never even reach the throat & even if you were strong enough to get pride near your throat it would expand to a boulder impossible to swallow like people who thought it up never swallowed a bit of pride.
